When He Pulls Away, Do Nothing And Get Yourself Back On Track (2024)

“When he pulls away, do nothing about it. Let him come back to you.” You’re probably no stranger to these words. By now, you’re even sick to death of hearing them.

I also know that it seems unbelievable that the right step to take when he pulls away is to pretend that you don’t care. It simply seems impossible.

When you meet the one who feels like a perfect match for you, your final piece of the puzzle, the last thing you want is to lose him. You give him everything, you set him as priority number one, and in return, he does nothing for you and pulls away as if you’re his sworn enemy.

I know that you think that it’s all your fault. You shouldn’t fight so hard for him. Your self-esteem is suffering, and this whole thing hurts more than any of the heartbreaks you’ve been through.

But, there’s one thing you need to understand. Every relationship goes through stages.

In those early ones, everything feels perfect. That’s why it’s called the honeymoon stage.

But at one point, you’ll sail into the crisis stage. That’s when things start to get tough.

It’s like you’re flying and the airplane hits turbulence. All passengers buckle up because things are about to get rough.

To achieve a healthy, long-lasting relationship and to get successfully through the crisis stage, both partners need to be on the same page.

They have to be ready to work on their issues.

But this is where your high-quality man may fall into the trap. Maybe he gets scared of committing and for some reason pulls away from you.

Contents show

You ask yourself what’s going on.

When He Pulls Away, Do Nothing And Get Yourself Back On Track (1)

He starts ghosting you, avoiding going out with you, and all of a sudden, he takes a step back.

This feels extremely hard to deal with, especially if your way of loving is an anxious attachment style. You feel like you’re losing your best friend.

Your self-worth plummets because you blame yourself for his behavior and your gut feeling keeps on repeating that something isn’t right.

If you’re currently scrolling online, looking for reasons why your man has pulled away from you and what should you do about it, I’ve got you covered.

I’ll try to make it easier for you and help you go through this experience with your head held high.

You’re a high-value woman and you should never treat yourself differently. Not even when a guy you want so badly doesn’t see that in you.

Why do men pull away in the first place?

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If you’re going through a stage where your man has pulled away from you and you feel like there’s nothing you can do about it, I want you to know that you aren’t alone.

Your guy isn’t an exception. Most men come to the point where they simply retreat back into their shells.

Even though he used to tell you that you’re the one for him, it feels as though his feelings have changed.

You keep asking yourself if he’s seeing someone else, if you hurt him, or if he’s doing it because of his own interests that you’re not familiar with.

So, let’s see why men pull away in the first place. Is it rooted deep under the skin? How long does it last and will he come back to you ever again?

1. He’s not interested in you

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If he pulls away because he’s not interested in you, then usually there’s nothing you can do about it.

He gave you a chance but now sees that you’re not what he’s looking for. And that’s okay.

Because he realized that you’re not his cup of tea, he’ll start giving you the cold shoulder.

He’ll reduce contact with you and you’ll feel the space between the two of you growing.

But don’t be mad at yourself if you feel that he doesn’t like you anymore. In this case, it’s a good thing that he pulled away from you.

At least you know where you stand. You won’t waste time on a guy who has no intention of creating a long-term relationship with you.

2. He’s playing with your feelings

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If you notice that your man keeps pulling away and coming back into your life, then it’s clear that he’s playing with your feelings.

Maybe he likes to be around you yet at the same time doesn’t want anything serious. So, whenever it’s convenient for him, he runs into your arms.

On the flip side, when a new girl appears in his life, he disappears completely.

With a guy like this, you’ll never be able to achieve a healthy relationship. He’ll keep coming and going, and no matter how hard you love him, he won’t change.

So, if you get a hunch that your man pulls away from time to time because he’s a player, there’s nothing you should do.

He won’t change no matter what. Once a player, always a player!

3. He thinks that you’re moving too fast

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When you develop strong feelings for a guy, your neediness comes to the surface.

You want to be around him all the time; you constantly call him to see what he’s doing, and you plan your future around him.

To you, it seems like the right thing to do. You more than just like him and you want him to feel that.

To him, it might get scary so he pulls away from you, hoping you figure out you’re pushing things too hard and too fast.

It doesn’t feel right to him when he sees that you’re seriously invested in the relationship while he’s still trying to figure out the pace.

He might see that you’re a genuine and kind person who only wants to be loved.

But at the same time, you’re running far in front of him while he’s slowly walking behind you, afraid of where your relationship is going.

When a man finds himself in a situation like this, he hits the brake.

He hopes that you’ll realize that there’s no point if your and his relationship views don’t match.

If both of you keep doing your own thing, you won’t end up at the same destination.

4. He’s afraid of commitment

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A lot of the time, men pull away because they’re afraid of commitment.

Thinking about that word feels like a nightmare, so he takes a step back and tries to clear his mind.

He can’t feel good if “commitment” keeps hanging in the air every time you two are together.

It makes him seriously doubt whether he’s ready for a serious relationship.

Maybe he feels that he’s too young for it, doesn’t feel that the timing is right, or simply doesn’t want to settle for one woman when there are so many options out there.

If he’s the right man for you, he won’t be second-guessing that you’re the right one for him because he’ll feel it in his bones and every atom in his body.

His heart won’t let him move away from you.

So, if you notice this guy’s scared of commitment, it’s better for you to do nothing when he pulls away.

You can use tactics to make him come back to you, but sooner or later he’ll be gone. Once again you risk ending up heartbroken.

5. You did something wrong

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No matter how hard it is to admit that you made a mistake, sometimes a man pulls away as a result of something a woman did.

One wrong word, one wrong action, and he feels like he’s not respected enough in his own relationship.

Sometimes, it’s not even about the fact that you wanted to hurt him. Your intention might’ve been far different from what it turned out in the end.

You misunderstood each other and things went too far. Because of that, your man pulled away and you feel like you can’t do anything about it.

So, if you’re thinking about the reason your relationship ended in a dead-end, be honest with yourself and question your actions.

Did you do something that possibly hurt his feelings? Did you say something that sounded wrong the moment the words left your mouth?

It’ll be better for you to admit your mistakes because it’ll stop you from making the same ones in future.

What to do when he pulls away?

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All of us would love to press that one button and erase all of the wrong actions, misunderstood words, and scary feelings that stop us from moving forward.

But sometimes, life gets harder than we want and we have to go through different obstacles to arrive at our final destination.

And in this case, your final destination is probably winning your man’s heart and showing him that you’re the one for him.

But what can you do when a man pulls away from you? Is there a way to get him back and find a way to his heart?

If you want to make all of the right moves when a man retreats, there are a few steps you should follow.

Don’t judge them before I explain to you why these moves are right for you.

1. Do nothing about it

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You’re probably thinking I’m deranged. That there’s no way you should do nothing when you want to get your man to come back to you.

But give me a second of your time and let me explain.

When a man pulls away from you, he wants to have time and space for himself.

He wants to think things through, and he can’t do that if you keep calling him 24/7, asking him what’s wrong and if you did something wrong.

So, before having a conversation about what actually happened between the two of you, first, let time do its thing.

Let him clear his mind and get a better idea of what he wants. Let him realize if he truly wants you back or if your time together is over.

Every relationship expert will tell you that you shouldn’t pressure a man to make a decision.

If you do, chances are he’ll always feel like he’s being controlled.

Plus, sooner or later, he’ll have had enough and his cup will overfill. That’s when he’ll be gone forever.

So, if he pulls away from you, do nothing about it and give him enough space and time.

It will only help you because absence makes the heart grow fonder.

While you’re not next to him, you should show him that you’re able to live your own life, doing your own thing.

This will make you more irresistible, and he’ll want to get you back in his life.

If he can have his space, then you should have it too. And you should shine in it, like the brightest gem there is.

2. Stop taking things personally

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I know that it’s hard to turn off your emotions when a man you had (or still have) feelings for decides to pull away from you. I don’t blame you.

Still, you need to realize that it doesn’t mean it’s your fault that he took a step back.

When it comes to a relationship, both of you bring things to the table.

It means that both of you will make mistakes, say wrong words, and from time to time, hurt each other.

But as long as you’re willing to fix it all, things will be fine.

So, just because he pulled away from you, it doesn’t mean that it’s your responsibility.

Go through the reasons I listed above why men pull away. Read them once again and try to figure out the root of the problem.

Don’t try to blame it all on yourself when you still have no idea what happened.

To know that, you need him to openly tell you the reason he’s pulled away in the first place.

Only then will you be sure that you aren’t jumping to conclusions without any reasonable explanation. This brings me to my next point:

3. Talk to him and look for the explanation

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Once you feel that enough time has passed and that the two of you can calmly sit down and have an honest conversation about what happened, that’s when you need to call him.

Trust me, you won’t get a decent explanation if you make conclusions based on the things he posts on social media. That’s a story for the audience.

Instead, you need him to sit in front of you and openly tell you what went wrong. Let him share with you his side of the story.

Let him explain what made him take a step back in the first place.

When he pulls away from you, there’s nothing you can do about that. But you can always listen to him explain to you what made him hit the brake.

Still, remember to follow a few rules if you want to have a meaningful conversation.

Don’t call him with the intention to throw words in his face and tell him how he hurt you.

Don’t put your ego first and ignore the words that come out of his mouth.

If you do that, instead of a conversation, you’ll find yourself in a fight and you won’t get what you came for – an explanation for what happened.

Another important thing. Don’t push him straight away and tell him that you want to have a serious talk.

If you do that, he’ll feel too tense to even start up a conversation with you.

Instead, hit him with a simple “Hi” and ask him how he’s doing. See if he needs help with anything and tell him that you’re there for him.

If he bothers to keep the conversation going, then it’s a sign that he’s open to chat with you.

But if he gives you short replies that make you feel that you’re bugging him, stop bothering.

If you see that he’s pulled away and has no intention of coming back, then why should you bother proving things to him?

If he does nothing for you, mirror his actions, and do the same for him.

4. Focus on yourself

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It may be a cliche, but if a man retreats and does nothing to show you that he wants you, you should do the same.

That means when he pulls away, do nothing too.

Instead of fighting for him, rather start focusing on yourself.

Do you want to spend days thinking about him when he’s out in the world having fun, not even bothering to think of your name?

Do you want to let life pass you by while you’re stuck in time, waiting for him to come back?

No one deserves to be stuck in one place while the other person makes no effort for them.

So, instead of wasting your time waiting for him, get out of your four walls and do something for yourself.

Explore the world, climb outside your comfort zone, and learn to love yourself.

When he pulls away, there’s nothing you can do to get him back.

But there certainly are some things you can do for yourself that’ll help you realize your worth.

Give your friends a call and have a blast with them.

Sign up for that course you’ve always wanted to take. Focus on the hobby that you used to love before you met him.

It’s better to spend your time happy with who you are than to waste it on a man who doesn’t see your worth.

If you keep doing that, chances are you’ll end up stuck in a toxic relationship with a guy who’ll never appreciate you.

He’ll keep walking in and out of your life and you’ll be a bystander who has no idea what to do next.

Everywhere you go, you’ll look for the red flags and you’ll become too scared to live your life.

Anxiety will overtake your body and all because you’ve given generous chances to a man who showed you his real intentions the moment he pulled away from you.

To save yourself from all of that, be real and admit to yourself if you see that he doesn’t want you in his life.

If he pulls away not because of the stress at work but because he has no serious intentions with you, don’t bother with him.

Focus on yourself, because life is so much more than chasing after a guy whose feelings for you aren’t real!

5. Move on with your life

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When he pulls away and you hear nothing from him for a long time, there’s only one thing that you can do: Move on with your life.

You can’t spend your whole life waiting for him to show you mercy and give you a few of his precious words. If he wanted to talk to you, he would.

End of discussion.

Don’t keep other guys on hold just because you’re waiting for the one who doesn’t seem to care about you.

If you keep doing that, you will never attain personal happiness.

You never know what’s hiding behind the corner.

Maybe there’s a guy waiting for you, but you’ll never meet him if you keep waiting for the one who’s not worth your time.

So, move on with your life and stop chasing after one who pulled away from you without even offering an explanation.

6. Take your time to get over him

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It’s never easy when you invest your time, energy, and feelings into someone who decides that nothing you give him is enough. It hurts more than we’d like it to.

That’s why I understand that you’ll need some time to get over the one who pulled away and gave you nothing but a false promise.

But the best thing is to take your time and do whatever needs doing in order to get him out of your system.

When he pulled away from you, you gave him space and time.

You showed him that you won’t chase after him, but also that you’ll be there if he wants to talk about anything.

If that didn’t work out, you showed him that you can live your life without him and that you’re not afraid of moving on.

Now, give yourself enough time to process all those emotions and look at this experience as a lesson.

But never give it power and never let it take control over your life, thoughts, and decisions for the future.

We learn from these life lessons and then we move on after them.

When He Pulls Away, Do Nothing And Get Yourself Back On Track (15)
When He Pulls Away, Do Nothing And Get Yourself Back On Track (2024)

FAQs

How to react when he pulls away and comes back? ›

Be sympathetic.
  1. “I totally get it—life happens. I'm glad that we're back in touch.”
  2. “Hope things have settled down for you. I'm really happy that we're talking again—it had been great getting to know you.”

Why does he push me away and then come back? ›

Men will often come back after pulling away. This is because they've had the time to better understand their situation and their feelings, and now they're ready to pull down their defenses and take the next step.

Do guys come back after pulling away? ›

especially when it's regarding a man you really care about. The fact is, men do pull away and come back in relationships. It's a naturally occurring cycle and happens for important reasons. Men and women are different and as such, the way they deal with emotions and stress can be different.

Should I leave him alone when he pulls away? ›

Leave him alone when he pulls away

If you believe that your guy is pulling away, give him that space to deal with his emotions. Either he will come back to you with clarity about his feelings or you will be rid of someone who didn't deserve you.

How do you make a guy miss you when he pulls away? ›

The best way to make a guy miss you is to pull away. Refrain from texting or calling him for the smallest things. If you reach out to him constantly, he does not have any chance to miss you. Instead, give your special person a reason and some time to miss you.

Why do guys pull away when they realize they like you? ›

He Is Afraid Of His Feelings For You

Maybe this is the first time he is experiencing such intense feelings for someone, and this scares him. He might be scared of the fact that he will disappoint you or doubtful if he is ready to commit. Being afraid of feelings and love is the number one reason men pull away.

Why do guys pursue and then back off? ›

He may have detected that you're interested in more than just hooking up, and he's trying to back away slowly. His sudden lack of interest could signal he wants to end things, or that he wants to keep you at a distance. Either way, if he's not interested in more than sex, and you are, it's probably not a good match.

Why would a man push away a woman he loves? ›

Pushing people away is one way of avoiding intimacy. In fact, this avoidance can act as a defense mechanism for people afraid of getting hurt in relationships. This could be because a past relationship ended badly, perhaps with rejection or even bereavement.

How long is the pull back phase? ›

Three months is probably the most frequent time that I see people breaking up, deciding they don't want to step it up to a more serious stage, which does include agreeing to be in a committed relationship, saying “I love you,” and more of a groove.

When a man completely pulled away? ›

Sometimes it has nothing to do with the relationship or you. He is just stressed – it could be work, or maybe he is having some personal issues with his family, friends or health. Sometimes, pulling away is a form of defense mechanism. His past bad experiences can make him afraid of going through heartache again.

Will he miss me if I let him go? ›

You need to keep in mind however that this actually depends on a few factors including how long you were in the relationship, how much he liked/loved you, the reason you split up and so on. For the most part, he WILL miss you and will want you back if you work the situation to your advantage.

Why do men get close then pull away? ›

Many men feel that by being emotionally vulnerable they are being less of a man and this may be engraved deep into their psyche. Their insecurities are triggered and they fear rejection. So them pulling away could be their defence mechanism acting up.

What not to do when he pulls away? ›

Space is especially important if he pulls away early in the relationship when you haven't been dating long. Don't chase him or contact him at all; this can send the message that you're overly attached to him. Chasing after him may end up pushing him away even more, whereas distance can help the heart grow fonder.

How long should you give your partner space when they pull away? ›

“Space can be from a couple of hours to a couple of days or weeks,” says Ruiz, though he generally doesn't recommend his clients take longer than 3 to 4 weeks. “The timeframe that is being considered should be reasonable for both parties to agree with,” he says.

How do you cope when he pulls away? ›

What to do when he pulls away? How to react and deal with the issues
  1. Resist the temptation to ask him what went wrong. ...
  2. Keep your emotions in check and your interactions positive. ...
  3. Be patient. ...
  4. Ask him what his insecurities are. ...
  5. Focus on yourself. ...
  6. Don't respond with fear or become paranoid. ...
  7. Be ready to face the outcome.
May 26, 2021

How do you turn the tables and make him chase you? ›

Turning the Tables: Get a Guy to Chase You in 6 Simple Steps
  1. Don't Try to Win Him Over.
  2. Be Mysterious.
  3. Hold Off From Calling or Texting Him.
  4. Flirt with Him.
  5. Don't Give Him the Impression He is The Only Guy in the Picture.
Jun 23, 2020

How to make him miss you without losing him? ›

10 proven ways to make a guy miss you
  1. Deliberately leave things behind. ...
  2. Give him some personal space. ...
  3. Make him wait before replying his texts. ...
  4. Take things slow. ...
  5. Wear a unique perfume. ...
  6. Add some mystery to your experiences together. ...
  7. Have adventures with him (and your friends)
Jan 18, 2018

Does silence make a man miss you? ›

The simple answer to the above questions is yes. When you walk away and make him miss you, it's typical for a man to come back to you. The power of silence after a breakup is highly effective in making your partner come back. To start with, going silent after a breakup is a sign of confidence and self-esteem.

What makes a guy pull away suddenly? ›

Men pull away due to multiple reasons ranging from fears, insecurities, or anxieties to desperation or loss of love. It is crucial for you to figure out the reason behind his pulling away to protect your relationship. And probably the best way to deal with it is to give him space.

What to do when he suddenly goes cold? ›

10 ways to respond when a guy suddenly goes cold on you
  1. 1) Be patient. ...
  2. 2) Don't take it personally. ...
  3. 3) Don't judge. ...
  4. 4) Let go of his actions and look at them from his point of view. ...
  5. 5) Don't go after him until you know where he stands. ...
  6. 6) Remember that this is his loss — not yours.
Apr 12, 2022

Why is he acting distant all of a sudden? ›

It could be a personality disorder, some type of depression, or even bipolar mood swings. When guys self-medicate with drugs or alcohol, they become even more closed off and distant. If you really care about him, try talking to him about it and see if you can get an honest answer out of him.

Why do men chase and then go cold? ›

When a guy runs hot and cold on you, it's highly likely that he's insecure. He is blowing hot when he's feeling strong emotions about you. After the first few months of dating, he begins to panic. He gets anxious that you don't like him as much as he does.

Why would a guy ghost you if he likes you? ›

Some guys ghost because they don't know how to cut off communication more directly. They may not be ready for a serious commitment, but want to avoid confrontation or protect you from being hurt. Sometimes, guys ghost because something happens unexpectedly in their personal life.

How do you know if a guy is not interested in you again? ›

20 Signs He Is Losing Interest
  • He is not as responsive on the phone as he used to be. ...
  • He has started making excuses. ...
  • He has stopped asking questions. ...
  • He acts rude and defensive. ...
  • He picks fights. ...
  • He doesn't notice anything about you. ...
  • He has stopped making plans for dates. ...
  • He has become vague.
Feb 13, 2023

When a man loves you but pulls away? ›

If a man is pulling away when he is definitely in love, it could mean the following: What is this? He is either scared to get hurt, (fear) that stems from past relationships/family. Financially or emotionally, he is not ready (timing).

When your man is stressed and pulls away? ›

If you start feeling him pulling away or creating space for himself, give him a week to figure it out on his own. Of course, when you talk to him or text him, let him know that you're there for him but don't push him to see you or do anything for you.

What happens when you stop chasing him? ›

You get more you-time

Getting more time for yourself is what happens when you stop chasing a man. With him no longer at the center of your focus, you can now focus on building yourself and your career or interests. So, you stop chasing him and divert your energy into something more productive.

Why do guys do the slow fade? ›

It's an attempt to dodge guilt and a hard conversation

So, what's the reasoning behind choosing to slowly fade out of a relationship rather than ending it directly? Most often, it's likely the easiest way to avoid the difficulty of breaking up and the guilt of ghosting.

Why did he pull away after intimacy? ›

During sex, oxytocin increases, which has the effect of lowering testosterone. When a man's testosterone levels decrease, he feels a great need to pull away and may even lose interest for a while. As his testosterone levels rebuild, his interest returns.

What makes a high value woman? ›

The term “high-value woman” is often used to describe women who lean into their individual capacity, see themselves as valuable, and have safe ideas of healthy relationships. A woman identifying with this term may know what she wants and who she is and feels ambitious in achieving her goals.

How long should you let a man pull away? ›

Medium got to the conclusion that “There is no definite time limit, but if a guy likes you, he will usually pull away for no longer than a few days or a week at most”.

When should you let go of a guy? ›

Simply stated, if the relationship is causing more hardship than anything else, what's the point? "When you fight more often than not, it's time to consider leaving. And if even at its best the relationship was never really good, you'll likely be happier if you leave the relationship," Leeds tells mbg.

How long does it take a guy to realize he wants you back? ›

When he realizes his feelings, he might want to get back together. This realization usually happens several weeks or even months after the breakup. He'll recognize how much he needs you in his life or how he can't stand the thought of you with someone else.

When should you just let him go? ›

If you feel like he isn't putting any effort into the relationship and there is a total lack of communication, then it may be time to let him go. If he doesn't make an effort, it can be a sign that he isn't invested in you and that he doesn't value your presence in his life to the extent he should.

Why do guys distance themselves from a girl they like? ›

Guys mainly act distant when they are uncertain of their feelings or yours. Please don't give up when you notice a sudden change in his demeanor. Instead, make him trust you more by assuring him of your love. Let him know you value the relationship and hope you build it together.

What makes a man want to reconcile? ›

Some guys want to restart their relationship because they're lonely and miss being a part of their ex's group of friends. Sometimes all a guy wants is a little ego boost. He loved how his ex made him feel about himself, and he wants it back. Many men said they missed specific things about their ex.

Is he ignoring me because he needs space? ›

They need space: It's often easy to assume the worst when someone ignores us. But it could be a sign that they need time alone or don't want to feel pressured into discussing something they're not ready to address yet. Giving space is not a bad thing and can help both of you healthily process your emotions.

Should I back off and give him space? ›

Giving space in a relationship is necessary for both of you. But snapping all connections for too long is also not advisable. If your partner has not called or texted for more than three days, the issue might be serious. However, resist the urge to call him and wait for a week to pass.

How do you stay high value when he pulls away? ›

How To Stay High Value When A Man Pulls Away
  1. Give Him Space. This first step sounds so simple but it's so hard to actually follow through on. ...
  2. Don't Stress Over It. I can't say this enough, the constant stressing ruins everything. ...
  3. Relinquish Control. ...
  4. Pursue Your Own Happiness. ...
  5. Move On.

What to do when he pulls away after getting close? ›

What to text him if he pulls away? Try not to present yourself as needy or clingy if you feel your guy is pulling away. Avoid hurling him with several text messages. Your text should make him feel that you are ready to give him space and will be there to support him.

How long do men take to come back? ›

That's also true for the question of how long it takes men to reach orgasm during sex. That depends on many factors and can vary from time to time. Measured on a stopwatch, it takes an average of 5 to 7 minutes for a man to reach orgasm and ejaculate.

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