'Throne Idle': Lazy Prince William grudgingly returns to work to cries he's failed at his Royal duties (2024)

Perhaps the British Royal family is a colossal waste of money. But, at least theoretically, they have a job to do. We provide them with opulent palaces and a legion of sycophantic servants, and in return they act as overseas ambassadors and support multiple good causes.

Or at least, that’s how the deal should go. Now the once-sturdy House of Windsor has begun to fall and the promise is being broken. King Charles and Kate Middleton are each battling cancer and out of action for the foreseeable future, and the other members of the family are too old, too young, too exiled, or too Prince Andrew.

At this point, the logical person to step up would be the heir to the throne himself, Prince William. And yet… where the heck is he? He’s been a phantom ever since Kate Middleton’s bombshell cancer announcement and has only now poked his head over the parapet. Eyebrows are very much raised:

William’s apparent desire to skip out on public duties compared to other members of his family has been widely noted, resulting in some interesting nicknames:

It’s said that “he has no intention of emulating his grandmother’s model of doing several hundred engagements a year”, and he himself argues it’s possible to achieve more by doing less: “if you spread yourself too thin you just can’t manage it and you won’t deliver the impact or the change that you really want to happen”. How wonderfully convenient for him.

This adds up to what’s being dubbed “WFH” royalty, in which William would prefer to appear by video link from his home rather than physically mingling with his subjects. Or, as a “friend of the couple” claimed, logging onto Zoom in Crocs and sweatpants “has more impact because it reaches many more people.”

The immediate consequence of this philosophy is that the ailing King Charles is being dragged out of his sickbed to attend a meeting in Samoa against his doctor’s advice. William should be the natural substitute, but he’s said to have put his foot down and refused to go.

Having your father and wife battling cancer at the same time while bringing up three children can’t be easy and we can’t blame him too much for prioritizing them. But regular people like you and I have to find a way to keep working when faced with difficult personal circ*mstances, and I’m guessing that you don’t have a squad of over-eager footmen at your beck and call.

But even in less stressful times, William has a habit of ditching his responsibilities. In 2017 the entire Royal family appeared at Westminster Palace for an important service… except William. And what was so important that kept him away? Well, he was getting drunk on a skiing holiday and dancing badly to DJ Quick’s hip-hop classic “I Got 5 On It”.

If you wanted to be especially cynical, you might argue that medical trouble at home gives William the perfect excuse to ditch work without being called out.

Queen Elizabeth II famously said “I have to be seen to be believed”, arguing that the only way a modern Royal family can justify its existence is to be visibly hard at work. If William genuinely doesn’t want to do the job I’m fine with that, so long as he steps down from the line of succession and lets someone who’s better value for money take over.

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